Confessions

The stream of thoughts had been a never ending stream cursing my two year bad experiences. How foolish I am that I could not judge beforehand how crooked is the mind of those people. In defense of my foolishness I told myself that “I am not God’.
The thoughts have been haunting where ever I go, at my dining table, in church service, during my romantic encounters, By God I say they turn out to be a ghost haunting me even at time on my toilet commode is no exception.

Tsunami struck the world and many families, big or small fishing entrepreneurs, numerous hamlets by the Indian coast reduced to dust and sand but the managers of that orphanage raised to empire building. During many of my arguments I communicated vehemently to them “you can do business in guise of charity... You cannot use these vulnerable lives as baits to noble philanthropic souls to fund you…..it is as good as blasphemy” after all I am working under them and I cannot go further in my argument.

I was a fool in the beginning to believe that they are honest people on earth. That wrong belief led me to sacrifice my prospective career as trainer and as a consultant in voluntary / development sector and join that organization. I learn the real meaning of biblical phrase “sheep in wolf’s clothing” only after my two year hard and harsh experience with that orphanage.

I curse myself many times that I did not raise my protest during the visit of donors. Of course I communicated to one erstwhile donor “you visit the orphanage without notice and you find the truth”. The planned and informed arrival of donors makes them alert and keeps the things right on temporary basis. Poor children are fortunate and feel in heaven during those short stay in campus. Diluted sambar (a kind of soup made of red gram) replaces by birayini rice, high polished rice in place of low cost rice, and moreover children looks forward for these days because they ill have best of menu on break fast instead of on insufficient boiled peas every day. As soon as they leave, something is better to fill their hungry bellies.

The reason I curse myself is even when I got a chance to share I revealed some bits of happenings camouflaged soft words. My report was like a bitter cake with a sweet icing. I have my reasons and one of the primary reasons is Children, where would they go if the donor withdraws in anger on management and the other reason is that I looked forward in donors that they make take right step to discipline and decipher a proper project management.

lillies by the Gutter

The busy traffic on vizag city roads proceeds as if to convey that time never stops and life never pauses. I was walking in confusion of thoughts with nostalgia of terrible experiences I underwent at my previous job as I worked for a so called an orphanage, an organization that boasts it works for need children. My heart aches as I remember the activities that take place in routine within the boundaries of that spacious wide field where this said orphanage located. I used to wonder how those poor children are used as human defense for survival by managers of that orphanage.
Children are luckiest as long as their sponsors present in the campus as they were fed with best of the menu not to satisfy those hungry stomachs but to impress upon the sponsor. It’s a great fun for the onlooker like me to see the drama of conjuror inside that manager. The tricks are so well done that even a Hi-tech sponsor from the well developed country of the west could not resist but have to believe the show as reality, an every day happening.
The boundaries of that orphanage is by the road adjoin to a river where bathing, washing, shitting and everything dirt and holy happens with the water that flows in that river. Who ever watches, it appears as a gutter, a drain of waste.
Oh..God my head breaks and my blood pressure rises in turmoil as I recollect the happenings. The children study in school situated in the campus. . The schools that can be referred to gunnies book of world records because it is the school whose Head master never attends the office. Alas! The head master is none but the manager of the orphanage. I used to think, how this man could receives handsome salary from government and a grant from the sponsor and least bothered of his responsibility. During my stay, I found they are wonderful kids who are gifted with immense talents, can become good citizens for the country if groomed. But where are they going? How their lives are ended up after school and how many real successful stories can be found. It is really hard to find.
If lilies grow by gutter, the lilies may look very beautiful and feast to eyes but no one go near them to touch and feel the bliss because of stink and waste that envelope because they are by gutter. The loveliness of a Lilly is obviously ignored or neglected. So are the children who are in that orphanage. Their talents and wisdom is never groomed and the lives go no where but only in that so called charity as workers. The lilies by the gutter can be admired if the gutter is cleaned and looked after with care that no waste drains in it and no stink gathers by its banks and so these children can be great and tremendous characters of future world if the orphanage is set right by the sponsors.

Amma

To day 16th july a special day in my life. it is the day that my mother began her earthly sojourn and this is the day that she left to her abode in heavenly bliss. I SALUTE TO MY MOTHER WHO HAS SHOWN THE LOVE OF GOD IN ACTION.

Dreams

i dream a lot
i dream for me
i dream for my family
i dream for my country
i dream i am a conqueror
i dream i am an agitator
i dream i am a motivator
i also dream i am a servant
i also dream i am a messenger
i also dream i am a friend
i also dream i am a lover

It is all i dream.... and i work to earn... i earn to turn my dreams true