Friday, July 24, 2009

Confessions

The stream of thoughts had been a never ending stream cursing my two year bad experiences. How foolish I am that I could not judge beforehand how crooked is the mind of those people. In defense of my foolishness I told myself that “I am not God’.
The thoughts have been haunting where ever I go, at my dining table, in church service, during my romantic encounters, By God I say they turn out to be a ghost haunting me even at time on my toilet commode is no exception.

Tsunami struck the world and many families, big or small fishing entrepreneurs, numerous hamlets by the Indian coast reduced to dust and sand but the managers of that orphanage raised to empire building. During many of my arguments I communicated vehemently to them “you can do business in guise of charity... You cannot use these vulnerable lives as baits to noble philanthropic souls to fund you…..it is as good as blasphemy” after all I am working under them and I cannot go further in my argument.

I was a fool in the beginning to believe that they are honest people on earth. That wrong belief led me to sacrifice my prospective career as trainer and as a consultant in voluntary / development sector and join that organization. I learn the real meaning of biblical phrase “sheep in wolf’s clothing” only after my two year hard and harsh experience with that orphanage.

I curse myself many times that I did not raise my protest during the visit of donors. Of course I communicated to one erstwhile donor “you visit the orphanage without notice and you find the truth”. The planned and informed arrival of donors makes them alert and keeps the things right on temporary basis. Poor children are fortunate and feel in heaven during those short stay in campus. Diluted sambar (a kind of soup made of red gram) replaces by birayini rice, high polished rice in place of low cost rice, and moreover children looks forward for these days because they ill have best of menu on break fast instead of on insufficient boiled peas every day. As soon as they leave, something is better to fill their hungry bellies.

The reason I curse myself is even when I got a chance to share I revealed some bits of happenings camouflaged soft words. My report was like a bitter cake with a sweet icing. I have my reasons and one of the primary reasons is Children, where would they go if the donor withdraws in anger on management and the other reason is that I looked forward in donors that they make take right step to discipline and decipher a proper project management.


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