సౌబాగ్య సుమా రాగా కుసుమములు
ప్రియురాలి పాదమును నిమిరిన అపరంజి పుష్పములు; మనము ఇరువురి చెవులో చెప్పుకున్న కబురులు

మనసు హిమబిందు స్వచ్చాతే గానీ ప్రేమతాపమున కరిగి నీరు ఆగునే గాని సుఖము లేదుగా
సుమము దురామునుండిన ప్రేమపోరటములో నలిగి సువాసన వెదజల్లి మత్తు ఇచ్చి తృప్తి నిచ్చునే

ఎదవిశ్వలోతులో దాగిన నువ్వు, ప్రేమపావురంబువు నువ్వు, గూటికి చేరి స్వేచావిస్వమునకు మరలి యెగిరి రాకపోతే ఎటులు ఉండగలదు ఈ విశ్వంబర;
ఎదురుచూపు హోరుగాలితో కన్నీటి జడివాన కురిపించుట తప్

Just a feeling

Just a feeling

Shattered Love

Feelings that never experienced haunting me every minute



She was my dream love that remained unexpressed


It was a sweet dream and an eager yearning for few days,


Her chubby cheeks in her childhood that I carried all along Shimmer before my eye


And I longed to kiss them when I meet her as my bride


Her hair locks that I plucked her to tease teased me for few days as they would be ones to resurrect feeling sensual


I remembered her to play hip hop in little slip-ons and my senses felt her growth all the years with her slip-on on


Two decades passed by and dreams grown along with her age


And she was absent before my eyes but ever present in my mind’s eye.






The day I decided to meet her and ask her to be mine and I felt a strange feeling


And I endured those sweeter thoughts for few months and it all made the difference.






Alas! I found a colorful envelope in my mail box one evening


and I sat down at the gate as my heart felt a blow that thumped it down


It was her wedding invitation and I was invited cordially and resigned with tears of farewell to my dreams and thoughts.


I tried to bury my thoughts in time capsule and wished and prayed for her cheerful wedded life


And wished ‘He’ would be better than me in all aspects and I took a different lass in wedding swearing that I desire no one till death do us apart.


Years passed by, met her twice in five years and showed my wife, the queen who reigned supreme before her arrival.


And I wondered to know later as I learned from my wife that she felt the same as revealed to her and my heart smiled and ventured to forget and I did.






Alas! A great shock that traveled through telephone cables reached my ears that she became single again


The nature is so unjust that she lost her husband in an unnatural death.


My dreams shattered again, my wishes blown off


And I cannot break my oath and stop not endures the pain for her.


But I want to do something as a token of my thoughtfulness for her.


But what I can do?

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MOTHER TERESA (2003)

Mother Theresa Interview (1996) -- part 2

Dear Woman

Christmas with Less fortunate children

For God so loved the world……

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Christmas 2010

Christmas 2010 is the loveliest event that God has brought in  my life.  over the past six months we survived only with the free grace of God almighty where every tomorrow had been a nightmare for us. unsure employment, unpaid payments for the work, mental agony marked the past half year before Christmas.

I never experienced hopelessness as this in my life before. but God mightily showed his strength when am almost knocked to ground zero by the harsh happenings in life and GOD lifted me up just before Christmas with a good job that i am loving.

I praise God for Matthew for his support till June 2010 and letting me involve in his educational project though am much unhappy with my co worker who has been a hurdle to discharge my job efficiently.

I praise GOD for Brother Phil, who really encouraged me with his prayers and support to take the cause of less fortunate children.

My longtime friends Ujjwal and Gautam for their constant love and friendship. Most of the times i did not response to their calls is only signal of my depressed times. I love them and their friendship  till the end of my life.

i am thankful to my friends ms.Steph and Andrea for their occasional ‘ HELLOS’  that instill hope and boost me up.

 

I am thankful to GOD  for my Herat’s favorite Immanuel for the greatest joy i get whenever i think of his naughty and sweetie acts.

Jeshun who gave me double promotion as Grand Uncle as i am not a father yet.

The kid who attracted me most in recent times is our nephew, my B I L’s son Sherwin.

 

1. I am thankful to God almighty for HE being source of strength in every moment of life.
2. My wife who acted as the ‘right help’ to share my sorrows.
3. My Father and brothers and my dear nephews who helped me financially and emotionally.
4. Loving brothers and sisters of AGAPE group who prayed for me and especially Ms.Sybs and Ms.Shirley for their prayerful concern in trying to find a source of income for me.
5. And to my dear friend Ujjwal Swaroop who referred me to a job where it turned fiasco with the attitude of employer. I was never disappointed with any of my past employers as with him. I felt the meaning of exploitation in attitude of this employer.
6. Thankful to my dear sister Ms.Bertha for her kind concern and prayerful support.
7. And now I Praise GOD for his Greatest Love and kindness in giving me a job just before Christmas and am thankful to GOD  for my Boss who encourages and inspires me. My family as a whole grateful to him for his attitude towards me.

Confessions

The stream of thoughts had been a never ending stream cursing my two year bad experiences. How foolish I am that I could not judge beforehand how crooked is the mind of those people. In defense of my foolishness I told myself that “I am not God’.
The thoughts have been haunting where ever I go, at my dining table, in church service, during my romantic encounters, By God I say they turn out to be a ghost haunting me even at time on my toilet commode is no exception.

Tsunami struck the world and many families, big or small fishing entrepreneurs, numerous hamlets by the Indian coast reduced to dust and sand but the managers of that orphanage raised to empire building. During many of my arguments I communicated vehemently to them “you can do business in guise of charity... You cannot use these vulnerable lives as baits to noble philanthropic souls to fund you…..it is as good as blasphemy” after all I am working under them and I cannot go further in my argument.

I was a fool in the beginning to believe that they are honest people on earth. That wrong belief led me to sacrifice my prospective career as trainer and as a consultant in voluntary / development sector and join that organization. I learn the real meaning of biblical phrase “sheep in wolf’s clothing” only after my two year hard and harsh experience with that orphanage.

I curse myself many times that I did not raise my protest during the visit of donors. Of course I communicated to one erstwhile donor “you visit the orphanage without notice and you find the truth”. The planned and informed arrival of donors makes them alert and keeps the things right on temporary basis. Poor children are fortunate and feel in heaven during those short stay in campus. Diluted sambar (a kind of soup made of red gram) replaces by birayini rice, high polished rice in place of low cost rice, and moreover children looks forward for these days because they ill have best of menu on break fast instead of on insufficient boiled peas every day. As soon as they leave, something is better to fill their hungry bellies.

The reason I curse myself is even when I got a chance to share I revealed some bits of happenings camouflaged soft words. My report was like a bitter cake with a sweet icing. I have my reasons and one of the primary reasons is Children, where would they go if the donor withdraws in anger on management and the other reason is that I looked forward in donors that they make take right step to discipline and decipher a proper project management.

lillies by the Gutter

The busy traffic on vizag city roads proceeds as if to convey that time never stops and life never pauses. I was walking in confusion of thoughts with nostalgia of terrible experiences I underwent at my previous job as I worked for a so called an orphanage, an organization that boasts it works for need children. My heart aches as I remember the activities that take place in routine within the boundaries of that spacious wide field where this said orphanage located. I used to wonder how those poor children are used as human defense for survival by managers of that orphanage.
Children are luckiest as long as their sponsors present in the campus as they were fed with best of the menu not to satisfy those hungry stomachs but to impress upon the sponsor. It’s a great fun for the onlooker like me to see the drama of conjuror inside that manager. The tricks are so well done that even a Hi-tech sponsor from the well developed country of the west could not resist but have to believe the show as reality, an every day happening.
The boundaries of that orphanage is by the road adjoin to a river where bathing, washing, shitting and everything dirt and holy happens with the water that flows in that river. Who ever watches, it appears as a gutter, a drain of waste.
Oh..God my head breaks and my blood pressure rises in turmoil as I recollect the happenings. The children study in school situated in the campus. . The schools that can be referred to gunnies book of world records because it is the school whose Head master never attends the office. Alas! The head master is none but the manager of the orphanage. I used to think, how this man could receives handsome salary from government and a grant from the sponsor and least bothered of his responsibility. During my stay, I found they are wonderful kids who are gifted with immense talents, can become good citizens for the country if groomed. But where are they going? How their lives are ended up after school and how many real successful stories can be found. It is really hard to find.
If lilies grow by gutter, the lilies may look very beautiful and feast to eyes but no one go near them to touch and feel the bliss because of stink and waste that envelope because they are by gutter. The loveliness of a Lilly is obviously ignored or neglected. So are the children who are in that orphanage. Their talents and wisdom is never groomed and the lives go no where but only in that so called charity as workers. The lilies by the gutter can be admired if the gutter is cleaned and looked after with care that no waste drains in it and no stink gathers by its banks and so these children can be great and tremendous characters of future world if the orphanage is set right by the sponsors.

Amma

To day 16th july a special day in my life. it is the day that my mother began her earthly sojourn and this is the day that she left to her abode in heavenly bliss. I SALUTE TO MY MOTHER WHO HAS SHOWN THE LOVE OF GOD IN ACTION.

Dreams

i dream a lot
i dream for me
i dream for my family
i dream for my country
i dream i am a conqueror
i dream i am an agitator
i dream i am a motivator
i also dream i am a servant
i also dream i am a messenger
i also dream i am a friend
i also dream i am a lover

It is all i dream.... and i work to earn... i earn to turn my dreams true